WWE’s Beck-tacular Disaster

A computer simulation of what’s happening to the WWE Wrestlemania 29 lead-up because of the Tea Party angle…

Wow, this has gotten stupid faster than Daniel Bryan lost the World Heavyweight Title at Wrestlemania 28.  Welcome to an epic fail of epic proportions; this angle is worse than Mae Young giving birth to a hand.  A white hand.  Which was supposedly the love child of Mark Henry, who is the most non-white man I’ve ever seen.  Vince is doing more to set back WWE with this program than he’s done in years.  Here are five reasons this is an unmitigated abomination:

1. Alberto Del Rio isn’t ready for this.  Please don’t hear me saying anything negative about ADR; he’s an amazing wrestler, and he understands character very well.  Ricardo Rodriguez understands his role, too, so it all flows very nicely.  I’m talking about Alberto the character – his face turn is not mature enough for this angle.  Turns are very delicate things, and fans won’t buy it – and won’t buy into the character – if it’s forced.  ADR, as a heel, represented elitism, snobbery, and greed.  His condescending attitude was driven home for years, and that’s why he was so effective.  In real life, it takes tragedy, misfortune, and time for someone to do a complete 180-degree turn, and embrace qualities like humility, appreciation, and gratitude.   Did running over Santa do that?  Did overcoming the odds to beat Big Show for the title do that?  ADR’s passionate face promo came too quickly, so I’m still not sold on the face character.

2. Jack Swagger was the wrong man for the job.  Even though Swagger should be given his WWE pink slip for his bone-headed drug bust last Tuesday, this point only has to do with the following facts: he’s a good (but by no means great) wrestler, he’s HORRIBLE on the mic, and he’s got the charisma of red, white, and blue paint can.  Obviously, WWE knew this, because they teamed him up with Zeb Colter.  WHO?  Yeah, exactly.  Zeb looks the part, talks the part, but we’ve barely gotten to know him, much less hate him.  Zeb needs time…because of reason #3.

3. The “Tea Party” angle was a HORRIBLE call.  I’m not going to get overly political here, but almost half of the country voted for the Republican candidate in the last election.  Millions of people across the country feel the same way the heel does, including a large contingent of American WWE fans who have been shelling out their hard-earned money for decades watching dozens of FACES taking out FOREIGN HEELS.  There is a large contingent of the WWE fanbase that’s ticked off – because the WWE is demonizing the same things they believe.

4. The Glenn Beck Call-Out is the ultimate lose for WWE.  As soon as I saw WWE’s press release, I slapped myself in the forehead and screamed, “Why?!?”  There is NO way for WWE to win in this.  Why? Glenn Beck is one of the top three conservative radio hosts in the country.  Do you have any idea how he got there?  By being able to shred other people’s arguments and positions.  By being able to think logically, critically, and insightfully…and do it with mind-numbing speed.  By being able to accurately and quickly size up a situation, the different options he has in terms of response, and what the ramifications of those responses would be.  Had he excepted, he would have made the entire WWE look foolish.  Of course, the odds were against him accepting the invitation, but, in his response, he checkmated Vince, and made the WWE look weak and unimportant in the process.  Via Beck’s Twitter: “Unfortunately, I am currently booked doing anything else.”  Beck swatted WWE like a fly.

I pause at this point to request to Stephanie McMahon and the WWE creative staff (who reportedly worked diligently over the weekend to rewrite RAW) to avoid the Glenn Beck Slam Fest that’s supposedly on tap.  Please, don’t do it, Stephanie – Glenn doesn’t care what you do, and you’re only going to further alienate more of your fanbase.  He’s the 3rd most popular conservative talk show host in the country!!!!  Think about it, please!

5. It’s not going to help sell tickets or increase the PPV buy rate.  Wrestlemania is “the showcase of the immortals”, and everybody knows it.  It’s a wrestling fan’s celebration of everything they love about pro wrestling.  It’s about the larger-than-life WWE Superstars, the incredible main-events, and the culmination of the year’s best angles.  This year, we’re already locked into Cena/Rock II for the WWE Championship.  With Undertaker’s surprise appearance over the weekend, we’re probably looking at Punk/Taker, and with the Vince/Heyman fight coming up, we’re most likely looking at the inevitable HHH/Lesnar II announcement.  On top of that, we’ve got every other belt up for grabs, a MITB briefcase in Ziggler’s hands (of one of WWE’s most solid performers).  Why is WWE even doing this?

THE STIFF WORKER SOLUTION

ADR’s World Heavyweight Championship should certainly be contested, but it should be contested in a way that showcases what ADR does best: wrestle.  Everything about this angle is rushed, ridiculous, and wrong.  It’s time to dump this disaster, send Swagger and Zeb on their way, and get a show-stealing wrestling match on the Wrestlemania29 card.

Related articles

• Becking at the WWE (theravennote.wordpress.com)
• WWE Challenges Glenn Beck to Step Into Ring (news.yahoo.com)
• WWE’s Zeb Colter, Jack Swagger causing quite the mainstream stir (miamiherald.com)
• WWE’s Ricardo Rodriguez Taunts Glenn Beck on Twitter (bleacherreport.com)
• De-Swaggering the WWE (stiffworker.wordpress.com)

De-Swaggering the WWE

In my last post, I explained why WWE has to get rid of Jack Swagger.  But if they do…then what do they do?  Here are few suggestions for the WWE Creative team that I’ll offer up for free, just ’cause I’m that kind of guy.

First, you must pull Swagger from all live events immediately.  After that, it all depends on what Vince wants to keep and what he wants to drop…

PREMISE ONE: If Vince wants to keep the Zeb Colter character and pursue the “Tea Party” storyline…

On Monday, Zeb and Jack come to the ring.  Zeb shares with the audience Jack’s on his natural ability, strength, will, and his All-American American background.  Then he goes on to run down Del Rio, and how his reign hurts the World Heavyweight Championship.  Then, he turns to Swagger and brings up the arrest.  How could a true American allow himself to be soiled in such awful activity?  Swagger is not the man Zeb thought he was, so he’s realigned himself with someone who truly represents strength, will, and All-American power:  Mark Henry.

Henry comes to the ring and DESTROYS Swagger.  Zeb then says that he has decided Henry will take Swagger’s place at WM29, take the title from Del Rio.  Later in the show, the other Elimination Chamber contestants complain that the shot should fall to them, and Vickie/Vince makes a battle royal match to determine ADR’s new opponent.  With Zeb’s help, Henry makes it official.

WHY THIS IS A GREAT SOLUTION

This switch allows WWE to cut ties with Swagger, keep the tea party heat that Zeb brings for Wrestlemania mainstream press, and beats down the racism aspect to the storyline (which is something WWE does not want).  Furthermore, it keeps heat between ADR and his opponent so little momentum is lost toward the title match @ WM29.

PREMISE TWO: If Vince is willing to walk away from Swagger AND the Tea Party angle…

On Monday, Jack and Zeb come out to the ring, and Zeb continues to build Jack up and knock ADR down.  During the knock down, LINDA McMAHON interrupts, with the entire locker room behind her.  She says that, even though Vince runs the show, she will not stand for WWE to be soiled by this hateful rhetoric that stands against everything the WWE is about.  She points out the ethnic diversity of the locker room and the WWE Universe.  She talks about the postive relationships WWE has built with countries all over the world.  And then she fires them both on the spot.

Coming back from the break, Cole and King announce that a new challenger will be named in the main event – a battle royal featuring the other Elimination Chamber participants.  At the end of the night, Mark Henry wins and challenges for the title.

WHY THIS IS A GREAT SOLUTION

The main reason WWE would part with Swagger is to protect themselves and their corporate image.  Linda’s presence truly drives home the gravity of the situation, as well as WWE’s desire to position itself as standing in direct contradiction to Zeb’s extreme views.

PREMISE THREE:  If Vince wants Del Rio to have the ultimate show-stealer at Wrestlemania…

The beginning of RAW plays out just like it does in Premise Two.  The change comes with the Battle Royal, where Chris Jericho wins…with the help of Dolph Ziggler.

WHY THIS IS A GREAT SOLUTION

The angle has to shift to something more compelling, so it becomes a story about Dolph’s strategy.  He thinks that his best odds of cashing in the MITB briefcase and winning the belt are in a Jericho/ADR match – he thinks they’ll push each other to the limit, and it’ll be easier to clean up the scraps.  It creates intrigue because you’ve got three competent wrestlers in the mix, with nobody able to say ahead of time who walks out with the belt.

Which is the best angle of the three?  Is there a better angle out there (I don’t think so)?  Should the WWE hire me to their creative team?  Leave a comment…

Related articles

• Hit The Road, Jack? (stiffworker.wordpress.com)
• Who Should Replace Swagger If He Is Ousted of the Title Picture? (bleacherreport.com)
• Conservatives Accuse WWE Of Attacking Tea Party With New Angle (connecticut.cbslocal.com)
• Jack Swagger: Sorting out WWE’s World Title Picture in Light of DUI Arrest (bleacherreport.com)

Hit The Road, Jack?

WWE is always looking for mainstream press leading up to Wrestlemania, and boy, they’ve got it now.  For the last few days, WWE has been getting press about Jack Swagger and his manager (or whatever his title is) Zeb Colter in a very anti-immigration, anti-ethnic storyline building up to a title shot against Latino face champ Alberto Del Rio.  But now, as you probably know, they’ve got to deal with more Jack Swagger mainstream media – he was arrested in Mississippi on Tuesday night for marijuana possession, DUI (not alcohol) and speeding.

It’s obvious Swagger made a bone-headed mistake, but this post isn’t about Jack.  It’s about WWE, and how they should handle this incredibly delicate situation.

WWE has two things to consider:

1. WWE needs to project the proper corporate image in this situation.  The marijuana possession charge, although a misdemeanor, means trouble for the WWE.  Their wellness policy states:

“Any WWE Talent, who is arrested, convicted or who admits to a violation of law relating to use, possession, purchase, sale or distribution of drugs will be in material breach of his/her contract with WWE and subject to immediate dismissal.”

The letter of their law is the problem with which WWE must now contend; Jack’s been “arrested”, so he qualifies for the punishment associated with the charge.  However, it gets especially dicey for WWE at this point, because they used the phrase “subject to immediate dismissal”.  This phrase means the WWE actually allows itself the choice to dismiss Swagger…or keep him.  They’ve put themselves between a rock and a hard place; if they fire him, they’ve lost one half of the World Heavyweight Championship match for their biggest PPV of the year.    However, if WWE keeps Swagger, they look like they’re willing to back down from their own policy because of the inconvenience it would cause them.  Either way, WWE loses; at this point, they need to figure out which is the smaller, less costly loss.

2. WWE needs to correct an egregious error they’ve made.  I understand they needed to quickly build heat for a heel that Alberto Del Rio would face and defeat @ WM29.  Using racism, however, has to be the worst way to build heat for a guy ever.  Racism is a deep, nasty devil to dance with, and WWE should remain a leader in promoting cultural diversity.  Even on a character/storyline level, this should be an off-limits subject…like child abuse, rape, and domestic violence.  Swagger’s arrest has provided a perfect opportunity for WWE to dig its way out of this mess quickly, and with little negative PR.

THE STIFF WORKER SOLUTION

WWE must fire Swagger immediately.  They need to save face and prove they’re a conscientious corporation.  Furthermore, they need to offer Swagger a rehab stint, driving home the message that, “yes, you broke the rules, you must suffer the consequences, but we still care about you as a person.”  WWE can come out of this looking great, and they don’t have to suffer on the storyline side of things either, because they’ve got an ace in the hole: Dolph Ziggler and the MITB briefcase.  In Ziggler, they’ve got a higher-quality heel to replace Swagger, the briefcase cash-in makes the storyline plausible, and they can still count on a quality World Championship match at WM29.

UPDATE: I’ve put my creative brain to work and come up with three booking options WWE could use to come out of this smelling like a rose as they roll into Wrestlemania 29.  Check them out, and let me know which one you think is best!

Related articles

• Jack Swagger Arrested for Pot Possession, DUI (thehollywoodgossip.com)
• Conservatives Accuse WWE Of Attacking Tea Party With New Angle (connecticut.cbslocal.com)
• JC’s Top Rope Report: Thoughts On Jack Swagger (creativelyendeavored.com)
• TMZ: ‘Tea Party’ wrestler Jack Swagger arrested for pot possession (twitchy.com)